What I want to know is, when am I going to feel like a grown-up?
I was watching
Sports Night over the weekend (and by the way, Jeremy is so very much my fictional Secret Pretend Boyfriend. I want a Jeremy of my very own), and Dana, the producer, made some sort of comment about being 33. Leaving aside the fact that the actress was 36 at the time, and looked it, I was shocked to realize that I am only 4 years younger than Dana supposedly was. Dana, who was the producer of a television show, and very definitely a grown-up by anyone's standards. Only four years difference, and yet I felt like it was an entire generation.
So why don't I feel like a grown-up? I know I'm not imagining things, because I have had numerous conversations with friends in which we express awe at knowing people who are actual grown-ups. And I'm not talking about feeling old, because I feel old all the time. I am a card-carrying member of the
OLP. I hurt, I can't understand why anyone would start the evening at 10pm, I shake my head in disbelief at the fashions of these crazy kids today, I don't understand the appeal of drinking until you puke. I'm talking about feeling like an adult.
So I present to you the two sides of the story.
Why I am an adult1. I have two degrees, an actual career, and a full-time permanent job. When someone asks me what I do, I have a title.
2. I own furniture.
3. I do not have any more student loans.
4. I do not live with my parents.
5. I pay all my own bills, am the sole person who reads my credit card statements, and am the only name on my bank account. I have no financial ties to my parents.
Why I am not1. I have a roommate.
2. Remember that furniture I mentioned? Other than the bed, which was my present to myself when I finished grad school, it's almost entirely from either Ikea or Zellers, or else remnants from my parents.
3. I'm not in a relationship.
4. I don't have to wear dressy clothes to work, I don't own more than one coat and I don't carry a purse.
5. I'm not married, I don't have kids, I don't own a house. And the likelihood of any of these things happening during my lifetime is so small as to be infinitesimal.
Is it possible to feel like a grown-up without all the grown-up trappings of house, car, kids? And I guess the question really is, does it matter?