*stamps stress back into hole*

[listersgirl]

Thank you, people, for calming me down last night. I hate it when I get like that, because I like to think of myself as a capable, competent person who can deal with things on her own. In fact, it's vitally important to my emotional wellbeing that that's true. Being single, and knowing that's not going to change, I've built an image of myself (for myself, too - this isn't about how other people see me, but how I see myself) that is completely self-sufficient, and doesn't need anyone else. This is why I hate asking for help* and hate not being able to deal with everything completely on my own. I can't let myself feel like life would be easier if there were someone else to share in the problems and decisions, or else I will fall into soul-sucking depression. I mean, two Januaries ago I couldn't get my new DVD player hooked up, and I was hideously depressed for ages, because I felt useless and incapable of being an independent person. Over a DVD player. Loony, I tell you.

Anyway, all this is to say that I was totally overreacting, but this whole move has been one big trigger issue, since it's the first one I've ever had to do by myself, and it's so important to me to be capable of taking care of myself. Plus, you know, I don't just want somewhere to live, I want somewhere to live that is cute, and makes me happy, and is inviting to other people.

It's all good, though. I'm fine now, and you all gave me some great suggestions, and I think I have a plan. Of course, I'd have a better idea of whether this plan will work if I'd measured the room yesterday, but pfft. I realize now that it doesn't matter. I have a feeling the One Chair isn't going to fit through the door, but that's what movers are for, and it won't kill me to sit on the floor for a while.

*For instance I really felt that I needed someone else there with me when I moved, and it took me days to allow myself to ask if anyone could come by. I just hate it - hate making anyone beholden to me.

Comments

[offscreen.livejournal.com]

I know exactly how you feel. I hate asking for help and I hate not being really brilliant at everything and therefore having to ask for help. Sometimes I just... NEED help, and I'm afraid to ask for it, so I get more and more frustrated.

[bruiseblue.livejournal.com]

I'm the same way, about not being able to ask for help - I was raised to value independence above all else!

But sometimes things are just bigger than me, and I can't know everything.

Having a partner to share the burden is great, but we tend to split things up so that I do all of one thing, and he takes care of all of one thing - I still h ave to figure out how to do stuff all the time. Luckily, one of his things is all of our electronics, or I'd be totally screwed.

[canirl.livejournal.com]

Apologies for quoting homilies at you, but "no man is an island". Or should I quote Whitney Houston and say "that's what friends are for"?

You are hugely capable and competent, but I don't think there's anyone that doesn't need other people. And as for having people beholden to you, I sometimes feel the same way, but then I remember that if the situation were reversed there'd be no way I'd be irritated/upset/cranky with my friend if she asked me for help, I'd go do it happily, and that's what your friends will do for you.

Now of course, it's all very easy for me to say because clearly you're not going to be asking ME for help moving. Although I would if I could!!! :)

[morag-gunn.livejournal.com]

I feel the same way about independence. It drives me. And sometimes I need to prove that I don't need help.

There are times, though, that even though I know I can do something without help, it's still nice to have some. In the process of being okay with that idea, I have discovered that people LIKE helping. They feel needed. And it strengthens my relationships with the people I allow to help me.

[listersgirl]

Yes, you have a point. I've even had people scold me in the past because I didn't ask for help. I haven't quite gotten over it yet, though.

[protoainsley.livejournal.com]

I just hate it - hate making anyone beholden to me.

How did we not notice that we are the SAME PERSON?

[listersgirl]

We were fooled - fooled! - by the fact that you're not in danger of turning into an icicle right now. :D

[protoainsley.livejournal.com]

I can see why that would be confusing.

We did have another ice storm over the weekend, though. I, conveniently, was out of town in (slightly) warmer climes.

[starfishchick]

It doesn't mean you won't feel it, but you really don't have to feel beholden to me for anything. You do so much for me - listening and helping and organizing and just in general Being My Friend - I am happy to do these things for you!!

[listersgirl]

And intellectually I know that. And love you for it.

[starfishchick]

I'm pretty opposite from you - I ask for help all the time, even when I probably don't need it. I wonder why that is.

[kylegirl.livejournal.com]

I am so there with you. Like, why did I not have someone come with me when I had my wisdom teeth out? That was so stupid! I mean, I was OK on my own, but I would totally have been even finer if I'd had someone else to ride home with me and make my damn jello for me. And I know there are people who would have been happy to do that for me (and even people for whom it would not have been all that difficult) but I didn't ask them. Stupid!

With me, a lot of it's about pride. Also about knowing I can make it on my own, and knowing that I don't have to be beholden to anyone. But really. Obviously this can be taken too far. And I think I was getting to that point with the taking-the-subway-home-from-oral-surgery-by-myself thing.

[listersgirl]

Exactly! I think this is why I always try to offer help to everyone at all times, because I assume everyone is like me, and totally reluctant to ask for anything.

[pescana.livejournal.com]

I have either a poll or a big long post brewing about women and independence and how we used to be raised to believe we'd get married and be supported, and now everyone I know is ashamed if they are and completely afraid to be dependent on anyone or ask for help even if they have real needs.

Also brought to you by Caroline Knapp's "Appetites: Why Women Want" for the next Chicklit nonfiction book.

This is a recurring theme and it's cropping up everywhere right now.

[listersgirl]

I read that book last year. I'm interested to see what other people have to say about it, because I thought she had some very on-the-mark points.

Do you need to do any painting or anything?

[mystery-diva.livejournal.com]

If you do....I'll help! I kind of like painting...I'm just not so good with the aftermath (like actually removing the tape from the walls)

I'm excited for you...your own apartment!

Re: Do you need to do any painting or anything?

[listersgirl]

Bwa. Did you finally get your tape off?

I can't remember if anything came up about whether I was allowed to paint. It's been freshly painted, at least, even if it is white. But I will definitely use your expertise if I do - I don't think I've ever painted a room. I've watched lots of decorating shows, though. Does that count?

[caffeinediary.livejournal.com]

I have issues with this as well. I hate, hate, hate admitting that I might be feeling low or that perhaps I need help. This leads me far too often to getting into trouble because I don't know what I'm doing. I'm trying to improve on this but it's hard to break years of habit.