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listersgirlSo, this truly lovely friend of mine lent me a book to read. One of those godawful "find a man!"-type books. And I would have rolled my eyes and refused, but she really felt that it helped her get more comfortable with the idea of dating, and I didn't want to unleash the full force of my mocking on her. However, I didn't realize the full hideousness of this book. It was so bad that I read the whole thing in horrified fascination.
The title: The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who's Right For You. I just don't get this - why is it about getting married? I mean, whatever, I don't get any of it, but couldn't people at least be trying to be happy and build a life? Why all this emphasis on marriage? DRIVES ME CRAZY.
The title again: Surrendered? SURRENDERED? Kill me now.
Prologue: "She cannot determine who asks her out[...]" (sure, but she could do the asking) / "She's purposely quiet on first dates[...]" (because only the man should have anything to say?) / "She acknowledges that...she will definitely be lonely without one [a man]." (I...have nothing)
Also, my favourite section heading: Will Reading This Book Make Me Seem Desperate? (Who can guess the answer to this one?)
Chapter 1: Apparently the trick is to tell everyone you know that you want to get married. Huh.
Chapter 2: Your standards are too high!
Chapter 3: Cynicism is a turn-off for men. How sad. Also: "It's easy to forget that men come from a different culture." Um, really?
Chapter 4: Wear skirts. Okay, fine, what she really says is, "Think about it: Don't you move differently in skirts and dresses than you do in pants?[..]You're more aware of your legs and the movement of fabric in response to your body. Either consciously or unconsciously, you remind yourself that you're feminine, and feminine is what men are fundamentally attracted to." I feel a pressing need to pull out the oversized cargo pants. And once again, the invaluable advice to wear lipstick to the gym. I'd say that's only smart if you don't mind getting mocked in someone's blog the next day.
Chapter 5: aka the chapter in which we learn that asking men out is controlling! and we don't want to be controlling! it's much better to just say things like "I wish men like you would ask me out"! OY. Also, here's the thing: she says that by not asking men out, by getting them to ask you out, you reduce your risk of disappointment and heartbreak. What if the men all think the same way? Then where will you be, all you surrendered women?
Chapter 6: Dating is fun because someone else buys your food and pays for your entertainment, and it's all about what YOU want to do! Isn't there someone else involved in this date?
Chapter 7: "I'm afraid that if I meet and marry a man I love he'll die". Just a tad melodramatic, I think.
Chapter 8: It's important to feel the loneliness. No, for real. But you should always have lots of girlfriends, because they'll provide "emotional support that is clearly non-sexual" and then "encourage you to come out". I am not making this up.
Chapter 10: "Receive graciously". All good. "Receiving also honors your feminine nature by demonstrating that you can be soft and gentle". Um, what? Seriously, I have no idea. God, this whole chapter just drives me crazy -- all about how the essence of feminine behaviour is receiving. And that of course we all want to be as feminine as possible. There's this horrible thing about how if you reject the help of a man (for instance, if he offers to put your bag in the overhead compartment for you), you are REJECTING HIS MASCULINITY. And this is my favourite part: let him do all the work of keeping the conversation going. Poor guy! Or maybe that's just my own conversational fears showing.
Chapter 12: Go out with everyone who asks. Everyone at all! Remember, your standards are much too high.
Chapter 13: Okay, so she says the nicest way to decline a second date from these men that you just aren't interested in by that you went out with anyway (because they asked) is to say "I don't think so". Which sounds unbearably snarky to me.
Chapter 14: Argh, this chapter. This is the elaboration of the previous point about not talking during your dates. Not that she's saying shut your mouth and never say anything, but she is saying that you should stay quiet and let him carry the burden of the conversation. Which, to me, seems like false advertising. I mean, really, if you're a talkative person it's going to come out eventually, and isn't it better to show the other person what you're actually like? Although I was amused by this, later in the chapter: "Kissing is not as dangerous as you think." Heh.
Chapter 16: Flirt with everyone! Even after you're dating someone. How exhausting.
It goes on and on and on and on, but seriously, I can't take anymore. I did finish the book in stunned disbelief and a fair amount of yelling, but if you need to know the rest you'll have to read it -- although I don't recommend it.
(Okay, I'm probably being unfair to this book by just picking out the bad parts. And maybe it works; who knows? I certainly have no intention of finding out, because a) I don't want to get married for the sake of getting married (or married at all, but that's another point entirely), and b) I really have no intention of being "surrendered". Ew. Also, as always, if you're reading this and thinking, "Hey, I read that book, and it was amazing and helped me entirely and now I'm blissfully happy!", well, good for you.)
The title: The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who's Right For You. I just don't get this - why is it about getting married? I mean, whatever, I don't get any of it, but couldn't people at least be trying to be happy and build a life? Why all this emphasis on marriage? DRIVES ME CRAZY.
The title again: Surrendered? SURRENDERED? Kill me now.
Prologue: "She cannot determine who asks her out[...]" (sure, but she could do the asking) / "She's purposely quiet on first dates[...]" (because only the man should have anything to say?) / "She acknowledges that...she will definitely be lonely without one [a man]." (I...have nothing)
Also, my favourite section heading: Will Reading This Book Make Me Seem Desperate? (Who can guess the answer to this one?)
Chapter 1: Apparently the trick is to tell everyone you know that you want to get married. Huh.
Chapter 2: Your standards are too high!
Chapter 3: Cynicism is a turn-off for men. How sad. Also: "It's easy to forget that men come from a different culture." Um, really?
Chapter 4: Wear skirts. Okay, fine, what she really says is, "Think about it: Don't you move differently in skirts and dresses than you do in pants?[..]You're more aware of your legs and the movement of fabric in response to your body. Either consciously or unconsciously, you remind yourself that you're feminine, and feminine is what men are fundamentally attracted to." I feel a pressing need to pull out the oversized cargo pants. And once again, the invaluable advice to wear lipstick to the gym. I'd say that's only smart if you don't mind getting mocked in someone's blog the next day.
Chapter 5: aka the chapter in which we learn that asking men out is controlling! and we don't want to be controlling! it's much better to just say things like "I wish men like you would ask me out"! OY. Also, here's the thing: she says that by not asking men out, by getting them to ask you out, you reduce your risk of disappointment and heartbreak. What if the men all think the same way? Then where will you be, all you surrendered women?
Chapter 6: Dating is fun because someone else buys your food and pays for your entertainment, and it's all about what YOU want to do! Isn't there someone else involved in this date?
Chapter 7: "I'm afraid that if I meet and marry a man I love he'll die". Just a tad melodramatic, I think.
Chapter 8: It's important to feel the loneliness. No, for real. But you should always have lots of girlfriends, because they'll provide "emotional support that is clearly non-sexual" and then "encourage you to come out". I am not making this up.
Chapter 10: "Receive graciously". All good. "Receiving also honors your feminine nature by demonstrating that you can be soft and gentle". Um, what? Seriously, I have no idea. God, this whole chapter just drives me crazy -- all about how the essence of feminine behaviour is receiving. And that of course we all want to be as feminine as possible. There's this horrible thing about how if you reject the help of a man (for instance, if he offers to put your bag in the overhead compartment for you), you are REJECTING HIS MASCULINITY. And this is my favourite part: let him do all the work of keeping the conversation going. Poor guy! Or maybe that's just my own conversational fears showing.
Chapter 12: Go out with everyone who asks. Everyone at all! Remember, your standards are much too high.
Chapter 13: Okay, so she says the nicest way to decline a second date from these men that you just aren't interested in by that you went out with anyway (because they asked) is to say "I don't think so". Which sounds unbearably snarky to me.
Chapter 14: Argh, this chapter. This is the elaboration of the previous point about not talking during your dates. Not that she's saying shut your mouth and never say anything, but she is saying that you should stay quiet and let him carry the burden of the conversation. Which, to me, seems like false advertising. I mean, really, if you're a talkative person it's going to come out eventually, and isn't it better to show the other person what you're actually like? Although I was amused by this, later in the chapter: "Kissing is not as dangerous as you think." Heh.
Chapter 16: Flirt with everyone! Even after you're dating someone. How exhausting.
It goes on and on and on and on, but seriously, I can't take anymore. I did finish the book in stunned disbelief and a fair amount of yelling, but if you need to know the rest you'll have to read it -- although I don't recommend it.
(Okay, I'm probably being unfair to this book by just picking out the bad parts. And maybe it works; who knows? I certainly have no intention of finding out, because a) I don't want to get married for the sake of getting married (or married at all, but that's another point entirely), and b) I really have no intention of being "surrendered". Ew. Also, as always, if you're reading this and thinking, "Hey, I read that book, and it was amazing and helped me entirely and now I'm blissfully happy!", well, good for you.)