All right, who let me leave the house this morning??

My skin is a fiery mess, I have a rash on my neck, a huge stain on my shirt, a hole in my cardigan, mismatched socks, and hair that dried funny and is now looks longer on one side than the other.

*weeps*

Let me tell you what I hate (just one thing, I promise - I won't keep you here all day long): shopping for specific clothing. I mean, I'm not really a fan of shopping for clothes for myself under any circumstances, what with the whole being sized somewhere in between standard and plus sizes, which makes it almost impossible to find clothes, but it's so much worse when I'm looking for something specific.

Last night I was trying to find a dress for my mom's retirement party in September, and it was PAINFUL. I don't really know where to shop for clothes, so I was just wandering, and there was nothing that was even remotely the kind of thing I was looking for. I ended up in tears on the subway from the stress. Worst of all, I didn't find anything, so now I have to go do it all again, and again, and again, until I have something. I'm SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT, as I'm sure you can tell.

I have decided that it's time for me to step up my game in terms of the way I dress at work. Comfort is one thing, but I feel frumpy a lot of the time here, and that doesn't help when I need to put ideas forward or work with management. So goodbye cargo pants, hello...??

I think this is what I need.

Shoes: I'm starting with the painful one (literally), but I need to find at least one pair of sandals that don't cut my feet up, but that are classier than my birks. And that don't make me feel like I'm someone's 60-year-old mother. So, sandals, a pair of black flats, and no more Sketchers (sadly). And then once we hit winter, more dressy boots, but I have a few months to prepare myself for that.

Tops: I'm fine for shirts, really. Except that now that I've said that, I need some tank-top type things that aren't spaghetti strapped and cleavage-y. Sleeveless but slightly dressy. And I have this one awesome blazer that dresses everything up, so more things like that - fitted light blazers, fitted cardigans, that sort of stuff.

Bottoms: I think I'm okay for skirts, although I'm not sure the summer ones fit anymore, but that's another issue. Pants, though, are always an issue. Dress pants are so HARD, and I feel stupid in capris (although I wear them, because shorts are evil, but skirts aren't always the most useful thing in the sweaty summer). But I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and try things on, see if I can find something.

Not that I'm planning on running out and buying everything at once! Because a) money, and b) ugh shopping. But it will happen.

The button just fell off my pants, and the zipper won't stay up.

That is all.

My pants today were too short.

...which, given that *I'm* too short, you wouldn't think would be possible. But there you have it. And I was so self-conscious all day! Which is silly because,

1. they were barely too short, and

2. who else would even notice?

I have a fair amount of clothing paranoia, wherein I feel like everyone is obsessively checking out everything I wear everyday, checking for flaws and cataloguing whenever I wear the same piece of clothing too frequently. Not that this paranoia helps me dress better or anything. It just makes me hyperaware when, oh I don't know, my pants are too short.

So, later for those pants. I guess that's why they were at the bottom of the pile. Sadly, this leaves me with no pants, where "no"<3. I guess it's time for the dreaded pants shopping again. *whimper*

If I ever woke up rich, the first thing I would do would be to hire someone to make me multiple pairs of pants that were comfortable, classy, not flared or skinny, fit properly round the hips and waist (to my definition of "properly", and made my ass look cute. Since I am not suddenly rich, and there does not exist a pair of pants that encompasses all 5 of those qualities at once, I will have to settle for pants that are not too big in the waist, do not give me sausage legs, and don't drag on the ground. Too much.



I wonder what percentage of my life has been spent obsessing about pants?

Holy moley, it's September! I'm a little excited; I love September. And it's an absolutely gorgeous weekend so far. I'm currently sitting around in jeans (that I'm testing to make sure they won't stretch too much and get saggy* - I got them from the Gap for those who care), and I'm not even too hot. Later I think I'll have tea!

vestra was here last week, which was fantastic. We had three games nights (three!) and went to two musicals featuring people she knew, one of which was ridiculously silly but pretty entertaining (We Will Rock You), and one of which was excellently performed but a terrible, terrible show (Nunsense -- in Mississauga no less). I'm ridiculously excited for the production of Sweeney Todd this fall; I need some really GOOD theatre to cleanse my palate. Plus, Avenue Q! and 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee!

(Speaking of musical theatre, I went to see Hairspray (the movie) this afternoon. It was totally fun. I love the show, so I was a little worried (plus fat suits are always bad news), but they did a great job. I totally wanted to dance the whole way through.)

And now vestra is gone, and that's sad. I need my friends to all move here.

You know, despite the fact that I'm not going back to school or anything, it totally feels like September. I guess it's because things are starting - I signed up for a bellydance class (at a different studio to avoid the guilt - that one moved anyway), and the French classes, and they both start mid-September. I never did get around to finding a choir to sing with, though. Oh well.

And now, dinner and finding recipes to use the half-can of chipotle puree I have in the fridge.

*I think the jeans will be okay - I read in a few places that the trick to buying jeans that fit properly is to buy them a little too tight, because they stretch, which is totally true -- my jean capris are very loose after wearing them for a day. So I was going to do that, but these ones seemed like they fit too well, you know? And they were a little expensive. But I think I have jeans, since they didn't stretch out of shape.

We got sent home early today because of the massive snowstorm. Except that because I started far before everyone else who was there today, "early" meant "5 minutes before I get off", and in fact I ended up not leaving for half an hour because the people I like ended up in a really silly conversation. So I was totally denied early leaving!

Not like I needed it anyway; the subways were actually less crowded than usual and totally running fine. I guess everyone left super early?

Yesterday I had a bit of an epiphany that I was living my life in a way that made me feel out of control (letting things (physical and mental) pile up, not getting enough sleep, eating terribly, obsessing), so I got up today (on time! another thing that has been slipping completely) with a renewed sense of being a responsible person (in at least some areas of my life). Every time I thought about chocolate, I recited cheesy motivational slogans to myself ("Today is the first day of the rest of your life!"). So far so good, although I am sitting here on the computer instead of making dinner. But I'm just entertaining myself while drinking motivational tea (Granville Island Cream Earl Grey, yum). And I did put the dishes in to soak first.

And now I have VERY IMPORTANT footwear-related questions. The tendonitis is fine these days -- at least, it doesn't hurt at all as long as I don't wear shoes or boots that press on that specific part of my tendon (up the back of my foot right where it dips in before going on to be the leg*). The problem, of course, is that most of my shoes hit right at that spot, which is why the problem exists in the first place. And the tendonitis is never actually going away -- that will always be a weak spot for me, and if I wear something that rubs there it flares up again. The biggest offenders are my Doc boots, which has thrown me into somewhat of a tizzy.**

Because here's the thing: I've been wearing this same style of Doc boot as my everyday footwear since I was 15.*** They're just so convenient. I can wear them in all sorts of weather, with pants or skirts or dresses, they're good for walking long distances, I can wear them to work, they last longer than any other kind of shoe I've owned****, I like they way they look, and I feel somehow strong and powerful when I wear them.***** They are, for me, all purpose. It's only in the past couple of years that I've really owned shoes other than Docs and sandals. But now it looks like my Doc days are over, and I have no idea what to replace them with. What do people wear? They have to be comfortable, and I have to be able to walk in them, but they need to be versatile style-wise, and I really don't want to become one of those people who change their shoes at work every day. Also, I'd like to avoid having a gazillion pairs of shoes, because I have a small closet (and a not-massive income).

So, share! What kind of footwear do you wear? Do you have go-to footwear, fallback footwear, something that goes with everything? What do you wear with skirts (if you wear skirts as non-fancy wear)? Links or specific brands/styles would be great, too. HELP ME INTERBETS!

*According to my doctor, this is a very bizarre place to have this problem. It's because for years I've worn boots instead of shoes.
**The other problem, of course, is that it's WINTER, and all my boots are uncomfortable to a degree. The only shoes I own that are avoid the sore spot completely are little flats, which I totally can't wear outside. Also, they're not that great for wearing every day, and I think my knees are starting to get annoyed at the lack of support.
***I'm sure you're thinking that it's about time I moved on anyway. I know, I know.
****Although I've gone through a few pairs since I moved out east. I think the salt is not so good for them.
*****Every pair of shoes I own makes me feel like a slightly different person. I walk differently, I stand differently, I act differently. I think that's why it's so hard for me to find shoes I like - they're not just shoes, they're personalities.

Apparently there was a blackout the last time I went shopping, because the shirt I'm wearing today is totally not the colour I thought it was. I thought it was pale pink (which is bad enough -- not only have I given in to the fact that it looks good on me, I'm actively searching it out. Horrors!), but in reality it's sort of a lavenderish colour which makes me look drained and sick.

Stylin'!

It feels like Friday. I mean, the inner fibres of my body are convinced that it's Friday. It also, from my perspective of not actually having any windows to the outside, but having windows across the library that look out onto the hall that overlooks the atrium which is lit by a skylight 9 stories up, seems extremely dark out. It's a dark and stormy Friday.

I've decided that the reason that it's no longer sunny -- if, in fact, this is even true, and it's not just that a plane is currently passing over the skylight -- is that yesterday I broke down and purchased my first ever pair of capri pants.

This is not to say that I am refuting my long-held belief that capri pants are a supremely unattractive piece of clothing, on pretty much everybody.

This is also not to say that these particular capri pants do anything but make me feel lumpy and ugly, as all capri pants do.

It is just that the evil demon known as heat rash on my fat thighs has finally beaten me down, and given the pain of choosing between shorts and capri pants, I went with the ones that don't compound the misery by also flashing my pale and jiggly skin to the universe, i.e. the capri pant.

So, to wit, and perhaps as a small consolation for the part of my soul that died yesterday at the cash register, the sun has gone away for a moment, and the capri pants can stay on the shelf.

Or, more likely, the air-conditioned office is messing with my brain, and it's just as muggy and sweaty outside as always. FINE.

I would like all new clothes, please. Particularly ones without rips and stains. I mean, really: after rejecting two shirts this morning because one was dramatically unravelling along the bottom and one had a hole in the cuff, I looked down at myself a few minutes ago and saw that this shirt had a stain. ARGH.

When do I get to be classy person? WHEN?

*weeps*